Jordana Oberman has spent years helping other creatives uncover their unique point of view. As an actor, producer, and Pitch and Development Coach, she has built her career helping writers, directors, producers, and actors step into their genius. 

But her own lesson in freedom came through an unexpectedly personal decision: embarking on a gray hair grow-out. We sat down with Jordana to talk about the power of creative freedom, going gray in an image-conscious industry, and what happens when you stop hiding one of the most striking things about yourself.

Tell me a little bit about yourself and your career.

I'm in the entertainment industry. I come from a background of acting. That's where I started and I love it. Part of my artistry was always teaching. From a very early age, I was both acting and teaching acting together. I now do a lot of very specialized work in the development and pitching area of the entertainment industry in LA. 

I work with writers and directors and producers and actors on how they package themselves, how they pitch the stories they want to create, and how they find their clarity of point of view in the stories they're telling. 

All of my work through the years has kind of built up to this very specialized form of coaching that I get to do now. I teach workshops and I do a lot of one-on-one coaching. But really, I'm helping people tell their stories.

How did you start your gray hair grow-out journey?

As an actor there is a lot of fear around aging and a lot of fear around where that's going to take you. I got to a space where honestly my scalp started rejecting all hair dye. I was using the natural hair dye and then it started rejecting that. 

There was this last attempt I did with some sort of henna situation. After four hours in the bathroom, my hair came out jet black and my grays were still gray. My husband looked at me and I just went, "I'm done. I think I'm done." 

And he was like, "Thank God. Yes, be done." So that was in 2019.

Walk us through your gray hair transition.

I made an appointment with my stylist and I was like, I would like to transition to gray hair. 

I personally didn't know how to handle the demarcation line. And so she ended up doing highlights through my hair to follow my gray patterning.

As it grew out it was this crazy ombre. There were so many different colors in my hair and I actually loved it. It was so cool. 

It felt like the process of cocooning where the butterfly is fully forming and then over time you're transitioning. It took probably about two years to get it fully grown out and then we did the last chop. And I loved it.

What has the impact been on your acting career?

There can be a struggle now because they don't quite know how to cast me. And for my own sense of self, I don't care because I'm like, this is me. This is who I am. This is what I present. Put a wig on me if you need to see me differently because everything can be done with hair and makeup these days. I look really young, but I have gray hair. Cool. 

I get more stops on the street every single day talking about my hair than I ever did in my life.

Do you think that fear is justified?

I think that fear is bogus. I think that we earn our laugh lines, we earn our wrinkles, we earn our gray hair. It is about our point of view and our growth as a human and we then bring that richness to the work that we do in any field.

That is how we bring more depth to anything. So to see it as a negative is so counter-intuitive to me now. There's such a sense of freedom in no longer trying to cover something about myself. 

I was so worried about my roots. I was starting to dye my hair every two to three weeks. And the freedom of never thinking about it ever is so incredible. 

And just finally owning, oh, this is actually me. This is actually how I exist in my body as I am. How can I not be better at everything else I do when that space in my mind isn't being taken up by all that noise?

Did you have an example of someone embracing their silver hair growing up?

My mother found my first gray hair in fourth grade. I was in elementary school and I remember very distinctly sitting in front of her, and all of a sudden I felt this pluck. She looked at it and said, “What is this?”

She actually never dyed her hair, which is fascinating. I started getting lots of little flecks of gray when I was in college, so I started covering it at that point. But I had an incredible model of what just being in your body and being in your age could look like and feel like. So it wasn’t as scary to me to transition.

You had this great, ahead-of-her-time icon.

I did. Totally ahead of her time.

And your curls are so fabulous. Did the curl pattern change after you stopped dyeing?

It changed. It did. That was truthfully the hardest part about transitioning, because the texture of my gray hair was different.

When I was dyeing my hair, the color filled in the gaps in the hair shaft and smoothed everything out. Once I went silver, I had to learn how to care for a completely different texture.

That is where gray hair care came in for me. I had to find a shampoo that supported both protein and moisture because that balance became a really big thing. If my hair gets over-moisturized, my curls get limp. If it gets too much protein, it gets straw-like and brittle.

The Silverist shampoo and conditioner became my base. I usually use the shampoo once a week, and if I need a wash day in the middle of the week, I use only the conditioner to refresh everything. I also use the leave-in serum for scalp health and heat protection because I need to diffuse my hair. My hair is really thick, and if I do not diffuse it, it will not dry.

Then, depending on the time of year, I switch up my styling products. I usually need a cream gel and a gel on top to lock everything in.

What surprised you most about the whole process?

I was surprised how much I enjoyed the process. I was surprised that I enjoyed seeing the multitude of colors in my hair as it was growing out. 

And then once it was grown out, I cannot tell you how surprising it is to me how many people think I dye my hair to look like this. What colors do you use? What base does your person use? And I'm like, what are you talking about? 

I just cannot believe how much more alluring the gray hair is to people.

They can't help talking about it. They literally can't stop themselves from saying something. Every time I want to honor the fact that this stranger has taken their time to say something to me because I think that is just so lovely in the world that we're in right now where people are scared to connect with strangers.

What conversations do you have with women about embracing gray hair?

What do you think makes going gray feel so intimidating for so many women?

I think a lot of it comes from not seeing it. We do not understand it because we do not talk about it. We hear the stereotypes, but we do not see enough examples of what it can actually look like.

That is why I love the work Silverist is doing. It is helping normalize something that is already happening. We do not have to suffer through these transitions without knowledge. We can learn from experts and from each other.

To me, that is what "going gray gracefully" really means. It is not about perfection. It is about curiosity. If we can approach the unknown with curiosity instead of fear, it changes everything.

What would you say to someone who is considering going gray?

If it's someone in the industry, honestly, I had a conversation to make sure my agent was on board. Talk to your management. Just make sure your team is on board with you because you want to make sure that everyone who's in your support system is still your support system. 

Now, if they're not on board with you, it doesn't mean don't do it. It means you may not have the right support system. Everyone has to make the choice to do it at their own time and their own pace.

There are wigs. You can literally go get a wig that looks like your normal hair and audition all the time with your wig on if that's what you need to do. But you don't have to give up your sense of self to be an actor. With anything we do, whether it's in the industry of entertainment or law or medical or beauty, we have to bring our full selves to what we do. 

That is our intentionality and the way we can actually have an impact on those that we work with. And if we are ourselves hiding, how do we do that?

Learn more at jordanaoberman.com
Follow Jordana on IG @curlysilverlox